There are many reasons why I've experimented usually unsuccessfully with sex in the past; curiosity, social conformity or simply wanting to connect to another person. However, sex is still not an inherent need or desire for me in the same way it is for a sexual person. To make matters even more confusing for people, I have sexual fetishes and do masturbate, but these do not involve sexual attraction to other people.
That even the most open minded and accepting of my friends simply can't understand or empathise with what I'm going through makes me feel very disappointed, frustrated and isolated. Paul: This comment frustrates me because it suggests that asexuality is a mental disorder in need of curing. The first person to say this to me was my ex-boyfriend, who simply couldn't wrap his brain around the concept of asexuality. Ironically, this was the exact same reaction that his mother had when he told her he was gay.
Although he had been hurt and offended by his mother's comment, he didn't see any hypocrisy in repeating it to me.
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Just because asexuality itself is not a mental health issue, it can create feelings of depression and loneliness. So far, I've been reluctant to ask for professional help because I don't trust a doctor to actually understand asexuality or my experiences with it.
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Will: Something I've discovered is there are people who feel like they have an ownership of your sexuality and it's down to them as a sexual person to analyse. People saying, "oh, sex is great, I feel so sorry for you," as if I have something missing and will never be truly fulfilled without it.
Some go as far as questioning if I was sexually abused and asexuality is like some kind of Freudian reaction to that I wasn't, just to clarify. Melanie Lambrick. To me, however, it translates as another dismissal of asexuality as a legitimate orientation. Will: I'm a romantic asexual. The tone in which they said it that was like "you don't know your own sexuality as well [as I do] and therefore why won't you have sex with me?
Giselle: It's usually "do you masturbate? It's unnecessary.
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Young people or immature people tend to think that's okay. Will: Asexual people can have sexual thoughts and feelings, but it's the fact that I often never want to act on them which is why I identify as asexual. I don't think it's about never having sexual thoughts or erections or even never masturbating.
It's about just not having the desire to act on those feelings. People presume I'm gay and repressing that, which is something they fixate on and some have even told me, "no I won't accept it - you're just gay. Paul: Despite being asexual, I do enjoy physical intimacy and the sensual pleasure of kissing and foreplay.
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I may not get sexually aroused from these experiences, but I still enjoy the touch of another human being. However, because I am asexual, apparently I have no business in pursuing people because I'm basically teasing them and wasting their time.
Perhaps it is dishonest or misleading to go home with someone after a night out with no intention of having sex with them. This has resulted in some uncomfortable or even intimidating experiences with people who don't like hearing the word 'no'.
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At the end of the day, I have needs as well and just because they expect sex from me doesn't mean that I owe it to them. There's a perception of asexual people as cold and robotic; people are afraid to touch us, either because they consider us non-viable or because kindly they are afraid of making us uncomfortable. Remember me. Home Groups Gay Guys.
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