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Self-care has never been more important than it is now. All couples, and individuals, need to be adhering to the isolation rules of their current state, which means that some couples might be separated from each other at the moment or might have experienced a long period of separation that is now coming to an end, at least for the time being. In these situations, intimacy is possible!
We just need to embrace the creative side of our brains. In the current digital age, countless options are available to stay erotically connected to our partner: phone sex, sexting, video call sex, swapping pictures, videos, erotic poems or stories, to name but a few! Lockdown could actually be a great time to practice your dirty talk, or talk through a fantasy with your partner without any stress of having to actually do it! However, it is not all just about sex shocking, I know and couples need to maintain intimacy in other ways.
Maybe it means you call each other and watch the same movie together, have a video call date, send each other letters describing all the things you love about each other. The good news for couples who are separated is that we live in the digital age. Just as workers across the world are adapting their practice to work remotely, couples can also engage in sex remotely.
Of course, there are some considerations. Some of which might be less of a concern if you have a trusting relationship with your partner, or if this is something you already have experience doing with this partner. First, always start with consent. Do not assume just because your partner is flirting that they are interested in more sexually explicit conversation. Second, ask if now is a good time. Just because your late-night direct message was met with a reciprocal response last week, does not mean that the same time this week will be a good time for your partner: privacy, availability, need for sleep, sexual interest and so on all vary from day to day.
Before engaging in these activities, talk to your partner about expectations around saving or not saving photos or screenshotting content. You might want to consider using an encrypted platform for video or text-based chat. Finally, it is safest to not include your face in photos or, even safer, avoid text-based communication altogether and consider just talking on the phone! Also — good sex does not always require a partner! Remember you are also fully capable of pleasuring yourself.
The apparent psychosocial consequences of this pandemic have raised general awareness about the importance of mental health and the necessity to invest more resources in prevention and treatment.
A Very Controversial Idea
People cannot cope well with events that induce feelings of unpredictability and uncontrollability, which increases the risk of developing mental health problems or aggravating and inducing new psychiatric symptoms in people with pre-existing problems. The importance of sexual and relational variables as a key determinant of mental health and quality of life, however, has not yet captured sufficient attention in policymaking. The bulk of my research has focused on sexuality in the context of cancer, and I receive this kind of comment a lot from cancer-care providers. However, individuals with sexual concerns are still suffering and still in need of care.
They should not be asked to wait 3—6 months to address their concerns after the pandemic settles. The longer sexual difficulties go unaddressed, the more entrenched they tend to become, and often do not often resolve on their own Individuals who consider sexuality to be an important component of maintaining good quality of life, should also be encouraged and supported to continue to maintain satisfying sexual relationships and activities as best they can, while of course ensuring safety.
If we as providers ignore sexuality in the context of the pandemic, assuming that other, more pressing issues should be the focus, these patients will assume that sexuality is not a valid concern to bring up to their doctor. The comments I often hear from providers suggest hesitance to ask about sexuality for fear of embarrassing the patient by bringing up something that is not on their minds, or that could make them uncomfortable.
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The social mitigation measures have led many health professionals to switch to teleconsultation, offering their patients therapy and support via video calls and other online platforms. Some health-care providers have found that this type of consultation puts a barrier between human contact and social interaction and consider it vastly unsuited to a profession such as sex therapy, which is built on trust, close contact and the observation of non-verbal cues. Given that many individuals and couples with sexual problems already feel hesitant to seek help, video calls with someone whom they have not yet grown to trust might increase the barrier to start or even continue therapy.
On the other hand, studies on internet therapy have shown that online help is more cost-effective and readily accessible than traditional treatment modalities, thereby helping to overcome common barriers to seeking help such as shame, difficulties with face-to-face communication about sex, time limits, costs or geographical distance The current situation could, therefore, be used to scale up telemedicine and expand its applications beyond providing online relationship and sex therapy towards including services for medication, abortion, contraception, prevention of sexually transmitted infections STIs and trauma-informed care for managing gender-based violence.
However, careful attention must be paid to guaranteeing the quality of online interventions by preventing people from offering online help without a license — as sex therapy is not a recognized profession in almost all European countries, online interventions could make it easier for people to start offering unprofessional and low-quality care. I have seen many clients online during the pandemic, and telehealth is actually a great option in general for people who are unable to physically attend a session. We have such amazing online options these days that enable great health care from a distance.
Although I love seeing my clients in person, I would never want to remove the option of care completely for them just because we cannot physically be in the same room together. Sexual health is important all the time.
Telehealth is a great option — it is how I have been seeing all of my patients. The same conversation about privacy applies here. A couple of tips: first, use headphones — this helps to reduce the risk of being overheard such that only half of the conversation could potentially be heard. Finally, do not just wait the pandemic out to address your sexual concerns — there are ways to make remote meetings for sexual health care work.
Your therapist or provider can also help you to troubleshoot barriers that come up for you. Distancing protocol might actually present an unprecedented opportunity for several things. First, consider getting to know yourself better! If you are not able to access a sexual partner because of the distancing protocol, there is no need to stop being sexual. I work with so many patients who have barriers to engaging in masturbation or sexual self-exploration, such as guilt, shame, self-judgement, lack of confidence and even just a lack of know-how.
In addition, if sexual interest is still high, solo sexual activity can still be a source of pleasure, enjoyment, stress release and self-care, during a time where these experiences may be limited by the pandemic. If self-exploration is not your thing, you might consider how you can cultivate a sense of sexuality, even in the absence of explicit sexual expression. Sexuality and sex are not the same thing. Sexuality does not always have to be about genitals, it can also be about mindset and personality too.
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Finally, if you and your partner are not really feeling it, why not take the sexual agenda off the table? Consider pressing pause on goal-oriented activities like intercourse or seeking orgasms and try out some sensual full body massage. In addition to exploring the potential negative effects of stress on sexual activities and relationship functioning, which has attracted most of the media and research attention, another important effect of the coronavirus crisis that has tended to be overlooked is the reinforcement of existing disparities in terms of sexual and reproductive health and gender-based violence and stigma.
Some groups are more vulnerable to the pandemic mitigation measures, including young people, women, LGBTQI-identifying people, refugees and migrants, the poor and uninsured, ethnic minorities, and people living with HIV. When looking at these vulnerable groups from a syndemic perspective, multiple health challenges can be seen to produce an increased burden of disease We need to consider effects such as increased sexual risk behaviours, disrupted dating strategies, reduced access to and opportunities to have sex, increased substance use, and reduced access to STI testing facilities, STI treatment and HIV care.
When pre-exposure prophylaxis and HIV testing and care are interrupted, the sexual health of men who have sex with men and people living with HIV is compromised. Women are another vulnerable group Although fewer women die from COVID than men, the risk of experiencing psychosocial and systemic consequences is increased for women compared with men Pregnant women are at risk because routine prenatal care appointments have been interrupted, they need to deliver without the partner being present, and might lack practical and social support, leaving them vulnerable during the first weeks at home with a newborn.
Furthermore, difficulties in obtaining regular contraceptive methods or emergency contraceptives and restrictions on certain medical procedures such as abortion increase the risk of unintended pregnancy. Women more frequently than men act as the primary caregivers within a household, increasing the burden and stress they experience when combining work and children.
The risk of domestic abuse and violence, which is most often directed towards women, is also increased and fewer social interactions also imply less accountability for perpetrators and provides fewer opportunities for others to intervene. Finally, women constitute a large proportion of frontline health-care professionals, facing a higher risk of infection, morbidity and death as a result of their profession.
Other groups are also unduly affected by social pressure and stigma during this pandemic. Transgender people could experience social and psychological difficulties when their medical transition is put on hold during the pandemic.