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Brazil adds some to force fighting vast wetlands blazes. I know, Tinder is so ridiculously it may as well be Disclosure, but this is the first time I've been single for years, so I just haven't been able to sample the delights of dating through an app—until now.
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Obviously I'm devastatingly, supernaturally, pulchritudinously hot, so I was thinking this could get pretty slutty, pretty quickly, right? When I was a student and single in Brighton, me and my girls didn't have any problems attracting men. Well, apart from Rachel, poor thing, but then no one likes dandruff, babe. Most weekends back then I'd find myself winding down in my bedsit after the club, drinking Gallo, and listening to some hot young heterosexual have a coke-, electro-, and way-too-much-information-fueled crisis.
And it soon got rather dull. They often asked me to "prove" I wasn't lying, along with stupid questions about whether my hair was real or if I'd had my tits done. All reasonable enquiries, I suppose, in the context of a meaningless one-night stand, but I cannot forgive them for being so fucking predictable.
It was like they were reading from a script—one that invariably ended with the words "OK, I've had a think about this and I'm prepared to let you suck my dick anyway. Great to hear you've squared that with yourself. In person, I've had one or two guys tell me that it's just not their cup of tea, which is fair enough, of course. And even though on the whole, after that initial little wobble, most ended up taking a slice of Paris pie anyway, you can forgive me for expecting Tinder—with its anonymity and the added potential for rudeness that brings—to offer up some shitty reactions to my little "revelation.
To my surprise, though, most of the guys I met on Tinder were pretty chill from the get-go. Maybe they felt less threatened hearing the news that I am trans via their trusted smartphones? Or maybe I'd wandered into a strange, parallel universe where being trans just really isn't a big deal any more?
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And commitment? And do you get to meet Mummy and Daddy—and they yours? Those questions are the same for anyone, but particularly more fraught for anyone from a minority background. No matter how smoking and wonderful you may be. The following is a report on what I've learned about using dating apps as a proud transgender seductress. I really only had one or two reactions that you could class as "bad. I guess straight guys are more sexually open-minded than we often assume.
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I can't say this would be the case for every trans person, and it's true that I'm swiping in London, where you'd imagine the mandem to be a bit more, you know, cosmopolitan. I guess I also mainly swiped left on Essex boys, in favor of guys in bands or with whom I share common interests in stuff like the Economist and City boys that look like they JDGAF about anything but coke.
Basically, my pool of hotties may be biased towards a more open-minded metropolitan elite.
Unless you looked like a complete fucking arsehole with no respect for anything, in which case I definitely swiped right.